What is your Yoga?
During my 200HR training, I was in the midst of a tumultuous divorce. There were certain times during my training when I considered dropping out. I was also working for a company where I enjoyed the job but not the management. On top of that, I resurrected my business, Sebastian Harper. Oh, and I had sole custody of my sons with midweek breaks, so there wasn’t much time to myself. But after putting off the idea (for over a decade) of becoming a yoga teacher, I was going to make it happen. Due to the divorce, there were a lot of sudden changes in my sons’ lives: new school, new friends, new home, new routine. So many people in my life would make the statement, “Kids are resilient, they will be fine.”
My thoughts were, “As a child, why am I expected to be fine with a situation when I had no doing or choice in any of it?” This made me go into Mom Mode overtime and do my best to be everything to my sons. One weekend during my training, their school was having a Mother-Son Dance and both boys wanted to go. I remember stressing out having to tell my teacher I would be missing a class. She told me it was fine and I would have to take an additional yoga class to make up for missing one day. The following month we were at my teacher’s house for a gathering of students and mentors. I remember speaking with my teacher and her husband about the dance, saying how I felt horrible. I had to miss training because of it and before I could finish my sentence, they replied, in synchronicity and excitedly, “That is yoga!”
When I look back at my training, I realize all the lessons I learned that stuck with me have nothing to do with any of the physical postures (Asana). My training showed me I knew nothing about yoga. And I’m grateful for it.
“That’s your yoga.” This is a phrase I have adopted and shared with others. I used it with a student when they felt terrible. They missed a week’s worth of classes during the holidays because they preferred the indulgence of wine and cheese. When I replied with my response, their eyes squinted and headcocked, unsure if I was being serious. “How is that yoga?” They asked, trying to determine where this conversation was going. “It is your yoga because it is what you need. You need time to yourself, to indulge and enjoy. Don’t feel bad about it.”
Lately, I have been asking myself “What is my yoga?”
Getting adequate sleep.
Knowing my mindless scrolling is getting out of control
Sometimes the opinion to have is “no opinion”
Knowing to not give a fuck
Breathing
Celebrating even small victories
Learning from my challenges
What is your yoga?
