Yoga and the Ego
During my 200hr teacher training, we spent a weekend talking about the Energetics of Yoga: Langhana, Brahmana, and Samana. Poses can be placed into these categories and this helps teachers sequence a class (I'll get into the energetics in another post).
One of our facilitators talked about how certain poses shouldn’t be done in a night class. Wheel Pose is one of them. Wheel Pose, Urdhva Dhanurasana is a very intense backbend and it brings very intense energy. Students attending night classes aren’t looking for a boost, they want the class to help them prepare to wind down for the night.
Part of our training required us to attend classes and evaluate them. It was a Wednesday Evening and I was attending a 6pm class labeled “Intermediate” (again, we’ll discuss the descriptions of classes in another post). I introduced myself to the teacher, told her of any ailments and made my way back to the space. The class was filled and shortly I learned why. The teacher was amazing and I instantly idolized her. To this day, I still speak about that class and how she inspired my teaching.
I also speak about how it’s one of the times I let my ego take over and learned a hard (yet energizing) lesson. We’re halfway through the class and I am loving this teacher with each pose she names, in English and Sanskrit. We got to the part where we were making our way to the floor and going into backbends. She gives us two options: Bridge (Setu Bandha Sarvangasana) and Wheel. Fresh from my weekend training, I know Bridge is best and start to transition into the pose. Then, I see a handful of students pop into Wheel. Not wanting to be shown up, I pop up as well and then I mentally start going through the alignments: “Press down in your feet. Keep the arms lengthened. Spread the collarbones away from each other. Lift your heart. Breathe!!” Soon after, I’m exiting out of the pose and finishing class. As I’m heading out, the teacher looks at me, points, and says, “Your Urdhva Dhanurasana was on point.” And with that comment, it’s official: I was the best student there (no, not really). Feeling the natural high after that compliment, I went home and finished up with my night and prepared for bed.
Until…It’s 2:00 am. I’m wide awake. The natural high wasn’t from the compliment, it was from Wheel Pose. My damn ego. Some folks may say it’s the teacher’s fault. She should’ve known to not offer such an intense backbend for a night class. But in fairness, she gave us two options. Also, I knew better - the blame is on me. I let my ego get the best of me and my sleep paid the price. Ahamkara, (the ego or “I-ness”) is always part of our yoga practice and shows up in a very influential way. It may push you to do poses your body may not be prepared to do (causing injury) or tap into the dark space of your mind where you may not feel like you’re good enough therefore you are not reaching your full potential. All of these feelings are valid. So how do we get closer to our true self? Through our practice, off and on the mat.
Cultivating self-awareness through mindfulness. Recognize when the ego is influencing your thoughts and actions. We all know when we are thinking or saying something that doesn’t feel right. Personally, I struggle with Depression and it is so much easier for me to wallow and be sad. Sadness is comforting to me; even when I know it’s not the best for me. There are so many ways to battle mental health and I am not an expert (I live that to my GP and Therapist) but I do incorporate daily practices to aid with keeping my mental clarity in check:
Write it down. I have three journals I use simultaneously. Yes, I know that sounds intense but hear me out. Each one has a purpose and they are all so energetically different. One is to write positive affirmations and those usually are written in “I am” statements. My other journal is for manifesting and setting intentions. But I write these in a way as if they have already come into fruition and I always show gratitude. The other one is for me to get down and dirty. I write the good, bad, and ugly.
Say it out loud (or to yourself). Your thoughts and words have power. I keep it simple and will say to myself the affirmations I wrote: “I am enough,” “I am in control,” “I am creative,” “I am a leader.”
Being aware opens the door to making conscious choices that align more with ourself and values. Bringing the concept of ahamkara into the physical aspect of yoga, the asana practice, adds another layer of mindfulness and self-awareness. Here are a few ideas:
Mindful Movement. Instead of getting caught up in achieving a perfect pose or comparing oneself to others, emphasize the importance of tuning into the body's sensations and limitations. This creates a connection between the mind and body, allowing you to practice with a sense of self-compassion rather than ego-driven competitiveness
Letting Go of Attachment to Results. Honor the journey and not just the destination.
Comfort and Ease (Sukha and Sthira). Ahamkara can push you to overexert yourself or hold back due to fear or insecurity. With practice, you will learn to safely challenge yourself while respect your body’s limits.
